GRE作文，谢谢亲爱的老师们

詹韵

GRE作文，谢谢亲爱的老师们
177 “The study of an academic discipline alters the way we perceive the world. After studying the discipline, we see the same world as before, but with different eyes.”
  The purpose of education is transmitting democratic values, creating equality opportunities, preparing new generations of citizens in society. The study of academic discipline can help us perceive the world and form individual value system. But the most important thing which alters the way we perceive the world is not the academic discipline; it is the experience we get from lives.
  In a society developing as fast as ours, education places an essential role. Children in many countries must accept several years study at schools. The academic discipline influences the way students perceive the world, because when students study at school before they really enter society, they have not an integrated value system and they can easily accept others’ view about right and wrong. For example, students learn mathematics in junior school and form a fundamental concept of logic and calculation. Math helps them to be more rational and objective. As for the study of history, students can summarize the experience of predecessors. Students can know much about the culture of countries and the development of human. History widens people’s view.
  Since academic discipline is important for people to form the value system and the way they watch this world, academic discipline which can give people the life direction should be right and helpful. Students should accept comprehensive education at school, including liberal arts and science. High grate is just one part to evaluate a student. A student without healthy mind and the right way to see the world can not live happily.
  However, in fact, experience is more useful than any other education. When we try to do something, we search for means and solve problems by experience more or less. Experience decides the opinions of people to problems and distinguishes right and wrong. We get experience not only at school by studying academic discipline, but also in our lives by communicating with others, visiting many places, reading useful books and learning from parents.
  It is necessary for every school to pay attention in academic discipline. They have the responsibility to direct students on sense of worth and life. Nevertheless, we also have the right to choose the way we live and try to creative a forgettable experience belongs to ourselves. Experiences in different time and place make up the life.

詹韵

The study of an academic discipline alters the way we perceive the world. After studying the discipline, we see the same world as before, but with different eyes.”
  The purpose of education is transmitting democratic values, creating equality opportunities, preparing new generations of citizens in society. The study of academic discipline can help us perceive the world and form individual value system. But the most important thing which alters the way we perceive the world is not the academic discipline; it is the experience we get from lives.
  In a society developing as fast as ours, education places an essential role. Children in many countries must accept several years study at schools. The academic discipline influences the way students perceive the world, because when students study at school before they really enter society, they have not an integrated value system and they can easily accept others’ view about right and wrong. For example, students learn mathematics in junior school and form a fundamental concept of logic and calculation. Math helps them to be more rational and objective. As for the study of history, students can summarize the experience of predecessors. Students can know much about the culture of countries and the development of human. History widens people’s view.
  Since academic discipline is important for people to form the value system and the way they watch this world, academic discipline which can give people the life direction should be right and helpful. 上下两句间没有联系。如何从教育的正确性转到学生应该接受综合性教育？Students should accept comprehensive education at school, including liberal arts and science. 前文没有线索，如何引出高分问题的？High grate is just one part to evaluate a student. A student without healthy mind and the right way to see the world can not live happily.
  However, in fact, experience is more useful than any other education.
这句话的意思是否“经验也是一种教育”？那么前文应该对教育及academic discipline的内涵及外延加以定义，才不会显得突兀，同时更有说服力。除此之外，还需对experience的具体内容加以定义。When we try to do something, we search for means and solve problems by experience more or less. Experience decides the opinions of people to problems and distinguishes right and wrong. We get experience not only at school by studying academic discipline, but also in our lives by communicating with others, visiting many places, reading useful books and learning from parents.
  It is necessary for every school to pay attention in academic discipline. They have the responsibility to direct students on sense of worth and life. Nevertheless, we also have the right to choose the way we live and try to creative a forgettable experience belongs to ourselves. Experiences in different time and place make up the life.
评分：4.5分
观点清晰，但是阐述观点时说服力不够，论证稍显肤浅。词汇使用及格，还可继续加以改善。结构清晰，符合书面英语规范。
1# 詹韵