GRE作文，谢谢亲爱的老师。。。

詹韵

GRE作文，谢谢亲爱的老师。。。
7“The video camera provides such an accurate and convincing record of contemporary life that it has become a more important form of documentation than written records.”
  In a society develops as fast as ours, technology becomes more and more advanced in many fields. People can collect their memory in different ways including by camera, by video, and by written records—— a traditional way. These forms of documentation are all have a lot of advantages. What is the most useful and meaningful record of contemporary life.
  It seems that people of contemporary life like using video camera which provides such an accurate and convincing record to conserve memory. First, camera video is vivid. Video camera can record thing with picture and sound. When we watch the video again after many years, we can get the same feeling as many years ago. For example, contemporary people like to record their wedding by video camera, because they can watch the video when they are old. The white bridal veil and laughter can prove their love. Second, camera video is more convenient than written record. We can take camera at our elbow and use it at any time and any place.
  In fact, as a traditional way of record, written record still places an important role in contemporary society. May be camera video is an accurate and convincing record. But written record can record comment and mood. For example, newspaper is an old thing in society and it will always exist, because newspaper can reflect the opinions of people which camera video lacks. What’s more, written record can be preserved in a long time. People who study the culture of a country are often study the books of this country. We can preserve and spread the written record by coping from generation to generation.
  Though camera video is used frequently in people’s lives today, everything will be lack spirit without written records. If someone writes down a happy thing on paper, he will always have the memory about this thing. When we try to survive in such a competitive society, we should sit down and write something about our lives quietly by heart. Someone who likes to record detail things about life by character must have sympathy and tolerance. Our societies need such people

詹韵

The video camera provides such an accurate and convincing record of contemporary life that it has become a more important form of documentation than written records.”
  In a society develops as fast as ours, technology becomes more and more advanced in many fields. People can collect their memory in different ways including by camera, by video, and by written records—— a traditional way. These forms of documentation are all have a lot of advantages. What is the most useful and meaningful record of contemporary life.
  It seems that people of contemporary life like using video camera which provides such an accurate and convincing record to conserve memory. First, camera video is vivid. Video camera can record thing with picture and sound. When we watch the video again after many years, we can get the same feeling as many years ago.
此句略嫌武断。
For example, contemporary people like to record their wedding by video camera, because they can watch the video when they are old. The white bridal veil and laughter can prove their love. Second, camera video is more convenient than written record. We can take camera at our elbow and use it at any time and any place.
  In fact, as a traditional way of record, written record still places an important role in contemporary society. May be camera video is an accurate and convincing record. But written record can record comment and mood. For example, newspaper is an old thing in society and it will always exist, because newspaper can reflect the opinions of people which camera video lacks. What’s more, written record can be preserved in a long time. People who study the culture of a country are often study the books of this country. We can preserve and spread the written record by coping from generation to generation.此段论证有些牵强，没有真正指出书面文字的优点。
  Though camera video is used frequently in people’s lives today, everything will be lack spirit without written records. If someone writes down a happy thing on paper, he will always have the memory about this thing. When we try to survive in such a competitive society, we should sit down and write something about our lives quietly by heart. Someone who likes to record detail things about life by character must have sympathy and tolerance. Our societies need such people.
4分。
观点清晰，但关于纸质记录方式优点的论证过于简单、片面。语言使用及格，但没有亮点。结构清晰，符合书面英语规范。