再打个分吧~谢谢老师~

亦水

As a child gradually grows up, s/he will finally leave his/her parents and live an independent life. As to when to leave the parents, it is a subject issue. From my point of view, a young adult should gain independence at an early stage.
First and foremost, these days, people are attaching great importance to the ability of living alone. Sooner or later, one needs to leave the protection and care from the parents and depend on nobody but himself/herself. Therefore, developing this ability as soon as possible will help to adapt to the future life and is really beneficial. Secondly, leaving the parents means communicating with a wider range of people. When in help, one will cooperate with other people to solve the problem. During this process, communication and negotiation skills get raised to a higher level. Finally, children's independence is a relief for the parents. If living all by oneself, the child is not supposed to receive money from the parents and thus, for parents, an increasing amount of time and energy can be spent to improve their own living standard instead of considering only the child's situation.
Some critics may argue that obtaining independence too early will have a bad influence on the family relationship. The family members will not be close to each other as they used to be. However, independence does not equal to isolation. Frequent visits to the parents or daily phone calls will keep the connection tight. Moreover, it is easier for a young adult to understand his/her parents more through living alone.
All in all, leaving the family at an early age contributes to the future development of a person as well as his/her parents, and may even enhance the family relationship. Given all these factors, we may safely draw the conclusion that gaining independence as soon as possible is on the whole beneficial.

ps.快要考试了。。。紧张啊。。。

tracy

As a child gradually grows up, she/he will finally leave his/her顺序最好一致 parents and live an independent life lead an independent life/ live a life of independence. As to when the time to leave the parents, it is a subject issue? From my point of view, a young adult should gain independence at
an early stage age?
First and foremost, these days, people are attaching great importance to the ability of living alone. Sooner or later, one needs to leave the protection and care from the parents and depend on nobody but himself/herself啰嗦. Therefore, the earlier we nurture children’s self-care ability the better they adapt to the future life. ←developing this ability as soon as possible will help who? to adapt to the future life and is really beneficial删. Secondly, leaving the parents means that there are more opportunities to communicating with a wider range of people.
When in help?, one will cooperate with other people to solve the problem. During this process, communication and negotiation skills get raised to a higher level. Finally, children's independence is a relief for the parents. If living all by oneself, the child
↑前后最好保持一致is not supposed to receive money from the parents and thus, for parents, an increasing amount of time and energy can be spent to improve their own living standard instead of considering only the child's situation.

Some critics may argue that obtaining independence too early will have a bad influence on the family relationship. The family members will not be as close to each
other删 as they used to be. However, independence does not equal to isolation. Frequent visits to the parents or daily phone calls will keep the connection tight. Moreover, it is easier for a young adult to understand his/her parents more through living alone.
All in all, leaving the family at an early age contributes to the future development of a person as well as his/her parents前文只说减轻父母照顾孩子的压力没提到可以促进父母亲的事业，可以删掉以免节外生枝, and may even enhance the family relationship. Given all these factors, we may safely draw the conclusion that gaining independence as soon as possible is on the whole beneficial.

本文论点明确。后半部分比前半部分写得好。快考试了，但不要着急，基本写作框架已经掌握了，只要再细心一点就行了。继续努力，加油~

tracy

As a child gradually grows up, she/he will finally leave his/her顺序最好一致 parents and live an independent life lead an independent life/ live a life of independence. As to when the time to leave the parents, it is a subject issue? From my point of view, a young adult should gain independence at
an early stage age?

First and foremost, these days, people are attaching great importance to the ability of living alone. Sooner or later, one needs to leave the protection and care from the parents and depend on nobody but himself/herself啰嗦. Therefore, the earlier we nurture children’s self-care ability the better they adapt to the future life. ←developing this ability as soon as possible will help who? to adapt to the future life and is really beneficial删. Secondly, leaving the parents means that there are more opportunities to communicating with a wider range of people.
When in help?, one will cooperate with other people to solve the problem. During this process, communication and negotiation skills get raised to a higher level. Finally, children's independence is a relief for the parents. If living all by oneself, the child
↑前后最好保持一致is not supposed to receive money from the parents and thus, for parents, an increasing amount of time and energy can be spent to improve their own living standard instead of considering only the child's situation.

Some critics may argue that obtaining independence too early will have a bad influence on the family relationship. The family members will not be
as close to each
other删 as they used to be. However, independence does not equal to isolation. Frequent visits to the parents or daily phone calls will keep the connection tight. Moreover, it is easier for a young adult to understand his/her parents more through living alone.

All in all, leaving the family at an early age contributes to the future development of a person as well as his/her parents前文只说减轻父母照顾孩子的压力没提到可以促进父母亲的事业，可以删掉以免节外生枝, and may even enhance the family relationship. Given all these factors, we may safely draw the conclusion that gaining independence as soon as possible is on the whole beneficial.

本文论点明确。后半部分比前半部分写得好。快考试了，但不要着急，基本写作框架已经掌握了，只要再细心一点就行了。继续努力，加油~